About Me

Writer * Speaker * Former Know-it-All * Mom * Grandma * Ex-Wife x2 * Recovering Control Freak
ENTJ turned ENTF * Catholic turned Christian * Lover of God and People and Dogs but not Cats

(Well, not most cats anyway. I did love Félix, the cat my son dyed purple.
And I love Zoey, but only because she thinks she’s a dog.)

That’s enough about me for now. You’ll learn more than you ever wanted to know as we go along.

For the moment, just know that my name is Mary, and that I went through the first 40 years of life on this planet with my eyes slammed shut to whatever I didn’t want to see. And then, as so often happens at mid-life, the truth caught up with me and my “everything’s just fine” world fell apart.

Thank goodness it did, because out of the ashes arose the woman I was meant to be.

About Seeking to Find

Seeking to Find began back in 1999, before I was ready. I would have never been ready. So God gave me a great big push.

It started out as my son’s story, really. I was just forced to go along for the ride. It was a horrible but necessary trip. I’ve been waiting ever since for the happy ending so that I could write the book about how everything turned out just fine.

We’re not quite there yet.

But what I’ve come to realize is that incomplete stories are what make up this life. Not just mine and my son’s, but all of ours. We’re all unfinished, just doing our best as we fumble along, seeking to find the thing or person or state of being that will cover our hurts, fill our voids, offer peace to our souls.

It’s illusive, isn’t it? If you are like me, your seeking may have taken you to places you wish you would have never gone, latching on to people and things that never quite satisfy. So we try again. And again.

This seeking to find business is worth talking about. Though my son coined the phrase back in 1999, I brought it out of the closet in a letter to my kids 15 years later. I share it here because I don’t think I could explain it any better than I did on August 3, 2014.

Grab a cup of something warm and settle in to a comfy chair before you begin. I’ve never said anything in short form.

Whew! If you read all of that, you now know me better than do my closest friends and family members. And you also know why my kids sigh and peek at the clock when I say that I have something important to talk to them about. I do tend to go on and on.

But if all of my yadayada struck a chord with you, I invite you in to the seeking to find process that saved my life. Because I want your story to have a happy ending too.

About SAP

It began with Mitchell’s seeking to find journey and morphed into mine.

I went about it differently, only because I’d tried most of his methods and many more of my own, and found them to be satisfying only in the short-term. So I became a seeker. Seeking to find that illusive something became my mission.

And eventually, amidst a lot of floundering that included many restarts and two major “crash and burns,” I found a method that worked for me.

SeekingToFind.org is my attempt to spare others some of the fumbling around that I went through as I desperately tried to figure out who this God is, and what he wants from me.

Thankfully, I found an abundance of resources to help me along on my journey. One is the SAP Method taught by Eagle Brook Church. I learned it in early 2011, and it’s how I’ve started nearly every day ever since. It prompts me to look at my struggles with a fresh perspective as I delve into what God has to say about the topic at hand.

It’s the spiritual journaling process of Scripture -> Application -> Prayer, and it banks on God’s promise to us in Matthew 7:7-8:

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

The news couldn’t get any better than that, could it?

Here’s how it works.


Choose a short passage from the Bible—just a verse or two—to read, write down and focus on each day. This used to be the hardest part for me because I’d never picked up a Bible in my life until that summer of 1999 when I had nowhere else to go but to God. So I had no idea how to go about sifting through thousands of pages to find one manageable chunk of daily inspiration.

But once I put a faith-based perpetual calendar on my desk and bought a “Life Application Study Bible” written in easy-to-understand (New Living Translation/NLT) language supplemented with notes of explanation, it became much easier. And when I signed up for three devotionals that pop up in my email box each morning—also available to you in the Resource section of this site—I was good to go.

There’s rarely been a day in all of these years that some bit of God’s wisdom doesn’t leap out at me as absolutely, almost eerily, perfect for that particular day. But it usually doesn’t strike me until I sit quietly, write it out and mull it over for a while. That’s where the next step comes in.


Ask yourself what the Bible passage means to you. How is it relevant to your life right now, today? Write down whatever comes to mind, moving toward trying to figure out how to apply it to your life. Again, you will be amazed at how relevant a book written thousands of years ago is to the everyday issues of our 21st century.


Finally, wrap up your SAP with a written prayer. This, too, was hard for me at the beginning. I was well-conditioned by the church of my youth to think of prayer as the handful of memorized ones I’d learned as a child and would recite in robot-like fashion. Meaningful prayer came easier and much more from the heart with practice—especially in the midst of pain. There’s nothing like a crisis to drop us to our knees and to prompt honest, heartfelt prayers screamed out in sheer desperation.

Trust me when I tell you that God doesn’t mind one bit. He can take our anger, our frustrations, our tears, and every one of our fears and turn them into something beautiful. He loves it when we come to him with our deepest needs.

And I’m living proof that he answers every time.

But here’s the thing that you’ve probably already figured out: SAPing takes time.

And when we get busy, skipping that “quiet time with God” is easy to let go of in an effort to make life a little less hectic. But I have to tell you, that’s not how it works for me. When I skimp on my first-thing-in-morning SAP time, my day (my life!) does not go well.

So I encourage you to try it. SAP for 30 days. That’s how long it takes to create a new habit. Choose a specific time and place for a meet-up with God every day. I think you’ll be blown away by the results. I’d love to hear about it. Please use the comment box below to share your experience.


Choose a short passage from the Bible.


What does the Bible passage mean to you?


Finally, wrap up your SAP with a written prayer.

Did you try the SAP Method? How did it go for you? What did you discover…about yourself? About God? Comment below.

One Comment

  • Love your concept Mary and can see the possibilities for life enrichment but I haven’t managed to find a way to incorporate all that it into my life.

    When you’re up at 3:45am and return to demands of a young dog in serious training ake: Agility and Obedience training with evening classes and Saturday classes, commitment of therapy dog visits at a memory care facility, 2 cats and medical appointments to get to, there is not much time left over. It’s kind of like coming home to a household of toddlers. Add that my job is very mentally stressful. . .

    Sometimes I get home late and am just so tired. All I can do is take care of everyone and get prepared for the next day. I know, yada, yada, yada, right. But that’s my life. I say I quick prayer when I go to bed and one when I wake up. I have time to talk to Jesus and God while driving to work. Turn the radio off and just share with them. Then I’m at work and the hussle is on and doesn’t end till I crash at night.

    Lately I feel myself getting less involved with church. I’m not volunteering anymore due to conflicts with a Saturday training class and not attending church but trying to catch podcasts at home. I feel like that’s not good enough. . . But then again, maybe it is? God knows my heart.

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